funny jokes sms
Funny jokes sms
Doctor: Kya taklif hai? Petient: Sote waqt SAAS ko lene me taqlif hoti hai. Doc:
Aaj se dus din sote vaqt SAAS ko nahi SAALI ko lo !
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Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.
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PRINCIPAL :Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
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MAMU :Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha
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MAMU :Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
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One day Santas Girlfriend asks him, Darling, om our Engagement will you give me a RING?Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.
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A couple wanted khatna(Circumcision)of their son,but they dont know proper word to print,so they printed the wording :THE CUTTING CEREMONY OF FUCKING INSTRUMENTS
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Husband sitting near to his wife n she was driving, Husband: please slow down the speed of car. Wife: No ;please. No; please No please No pls.. Husband: the Newspaper ill publish ur correct Age 55 in case of exident; Ohh KHkhkhkhkhkh...
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MAMU :Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha
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Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long
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In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it's loss or profit? student: Profit in rupees & loss in paise
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A MAN: U cheated me. Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u. MAN: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all Radio PAKISTAN!
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Boy: I'm not rich like Rahul, I don't even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U! Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.
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An old rich man marries a young girl. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha? Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.
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Ik raat bahuu ne kisi gair merd ke saath guzari, mager saas ne kush na kaha, bhala kiun, kiun ke saas bhi kabi Bahu thiiiiiiiii
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AT 18 a lady is like a football, 22 men behind her,
at 28 a basketball, 10 men behind her,
at 38 a golf ball, 1 man behind her,
at 48 a TT ball, 1 man pushing her to the other
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Once a chunti saw a dali of Gur , she went to eat it, but on the way she saw a muscular chunta,she left the gur and went to chunta,because, GUR NALO ISHQUE MITHA, oyehoy
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Banta Sing! u get marry with Santa after my death, Wife!, but why? He is ur no 1 enemy,Banta!, this is only way to take revenge with santa sing
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Tcher: How Old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible? Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.
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My wife ran away with my best friend.
To tell you the truth, I really miss him.
What do you call a wife who is sexy,
beautiful,intelligent,understanding,
caring, never jealous and a great cook?
ANSWER : A rumour!
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Mother to Teenage Daughter : "I think its time that we should talk about SEX."
Daughter : "Yes Mom, What do You want to know ?
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what's common between the SUN & WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR?
1) both are hott
2) both look better while going down
3) both disappear by night............
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Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor : Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer
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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love & didn't notice"
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Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye
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Husband to a newly wed Wife.I could go to the end of the worldfor u,, wife thanks, but promise me u will stay there
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A boy and gal of 5th class asked teacher "kya chote bachoon ke bhi bache hoote
hain"? teacher nahin kabhi nahin " boy said to girl-dekha aur tu aise hi dar rahi thi".
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Musharraf said to his mother. Ammi mari B.V , M.M.A walon sey meli hoi hai! Jab bhe kamray main jata hoon kehti hai wardi utaro
» Girls Hostel ki light chali gayi.
Ek ladki ne electric office me phone karke kaha:
Light chali gayi hai, aadmi bhejo.
Replied "Aadmi nahi hai, mombatti se kaam chala lo
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A Wife is sleeping in the middle of the night, she suddenly shouts: "Get up quickly my hasband is here!!!"
the man gets up from the bed, jumps out the window, hurts himslef and then realizes "Damn, I am the hasband!!!"
Who's guilty in the situation?????????????
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Best SMS of the year- a Mother makes her son "INTELLIGENT" in 20 Years, but a girl makes him STUPID in 2 minutes
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A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,whichthe father receives as:"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
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in chemistry class teacher asked a girl:what r Nitrates?Girl answered shyly:nights rates r high then day ..!
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Judge-y did u attack tat young man?
Old lady- he grabbed me, took my clothes off, threw me on d bed & shouted APRIL FOOL!
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Can U name FIVE Great KINGS who have brought HAPPINESS into PEOPLES LIVES??
ANSWER: "drin-KING, smo-KING, lic-KING, suc-KING & ofcourse fucKING
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Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho?
Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain
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1986 ke girl; Mama jeans pehen lon
Mom;Na baiti log kiya kahen gay.
2006 ke girl;Mama mini skirt pehen lon
Mom; pehen baiti kuch to pehen.............
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How Do U Tell To UR Girlfriend If U Want 2 go 2 Toilet During Dinner? Darling,I've 2 Shake Hands with a Close friend of MIne Whom I'm Going 2 introduce 2 u Later
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Santa: What is the weather like ? Banta: I do not know it is so foggy that i cannot see.
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Boy: Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from? Father: Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother Because i still have mine.
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Q: Know what the difference between in laws and outlaws is ? Ans: Outlaws are wanted!
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Ques: What did the valentine card say to the stamp ? Ans: Stick with me and we will go to lots of places!
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Company offered Rs.500 for each money saving idea submitted by its employees. First prize went to the employee who suggested the award be cut to Rs.250.
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Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%. Santa: That is great, I will take two of them.
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Ques: What did the gangsters son tell his dad when he failed his examination ? Ans: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but i never told them anything.
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Doc: Your fee is more then we get paid for medical care. Mechanic : You always have the same model but we have to keep up to date with new models every year.
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Ques: Did you hear about the blonde who was tap dancing? Ans: She broke her ankle when he fell into the sink.
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Mom: Where are you off to now? Son: I am gonna join the army. Mom: But legally you are only an infant. Son: That is all right, I am going to Join the Infantry.
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75yrz old man got married with a girl of 15 yrz old. At marriage nite they both r crying cuz Girl don't know anything and an old man hav 4gotten evrythng.
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Boss: I will give you 3000 Per month and in three months, I will raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start? Santa: In three months.
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A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. Anything new at work? He replied, No, I am teaching History.
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Sales Girl: sorry sir you cann't smoke here.
Customer: but i bought cigarate from this shop.
Sales Girl: we sell condom also but it dosn't mean you start fucking here.
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Teacher: 3 girls are walking in the road. Turn the sentence in to exclamitory.
student: WOW!
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Teacher:"Now,children,if I saw a man beating a donkey n stopped him,wht virtue wuld I be showing?"
Student:"Brotherly love
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PHILOSOPHY : small things hurt a lot
Example : u can sit on a mountain but not on a pin...
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A girl says to her boyfriend, One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy says thanks for the warning!
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World's Smallest resignation letter?
Respected sir,
I luv ur wife
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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn`t come back yet!
Santa: Why don`t u cook something else.
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Man said passionately: Will you marry me? My father is a millionaire and 93 years old.
He is going to die soon and then I shall be very very rich. What do you say? She said nothing but a week later, she became his mother!
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hree Ways of fast Communication
1: Television
2: Telephone
3: Tell-a-women
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BOY : May I hold your hand ??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy
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Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: The future tense is "You will go to jail".
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Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
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Girls before marriage look like barbi Doll
After mariage beautiful Doll
After 1 year nice Doll
After 2 Years only Doll Copyright www.lovelysms.com
& After 3 Years panaDoll
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Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
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Rizwan: Doctor say help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Rizwan: Phone karte waqt
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Husband aur wife hotel me gaye tabhi 1 lady ne
Hello kiya,
Wife- koun thi wo?
Hus-Tum dimag kharab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshan hu ki woh bhi Yehi puchegi.
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Subjiwala: madam ye 500 ka
note blouse se nikala hai kya?
Madam: hann par kaise laga?
Subjiwala: gandhiji ka muh
abhi bhi khula hua hai!
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Dear user,your wife can become mother without your struggle!Just SMS ‘CHILD’ or call customer care at 9890****** & be a tension-free DAD!
errorists have kidnapped our lecturers… and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene… plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.
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terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers… and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene… plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.
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womens r like internet virus 1st they enter ur life scan urs pockets transfer money edit ur mind download thier problems delete ur smile and hang ur life from ss
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2day is a mobile day so plz open ur mobile cover & remove battery & dip in soap water apply candhana & kumkum 2 sim card & say “govinda govinda”
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behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,but behind a SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man...
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A job in Railways. Salary 15000/-,
job profile:-When the headlight of the Engine
is not working, you have to run infront of
the train with a torch, So hurry up...
wish u all the best
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BREAKING NEWS..~Bazar-e-Hussun MeinAag lag gayee, Raat gaye Fire Brigade Ka
ammlay ne Aag per qabooo pa liya,Magar ammlay per qabooo abhi tak nahi paya ja
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Naukarani: malkan ap udaas kyun hai
Malkan: tumhare sahab office ki kisi larki se payyar karte hai
Naukarani: nahiiiiin, sahab mujhe dokha nahi de sakte
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Why women love gold more than men? Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only one carrot.
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What is the difference between secretary & private secretary? Ans: secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR & private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR.
Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai
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A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. After a while they broke up and he wanted it back. The girl threw a pad at him and said. i'll pay u back in monthly instalments.
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class me teacher lacture de raha tha, bachon ne dekha us ki zip khuli hui hai, bachay hansne lagay,
Teacher: kyun hans rahe ho, ab agar hansay ko bahir nikaal ke khara ker dunga
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A 90 yr old man started making love with his 85 yr wife, he started sucking her breats and after few seconds the man expired, GUESS WHY?
Autoposy Report : death due to expired milk.
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Girl: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi
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Last nite i had a dream abt U... I saw tht v both were gettig married on the same day... Ur wife was beautiful but mine is not... I asked GOD: Why it is so??? GOD replied: "BALANCE OF NATURE"...!!!
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A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.
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Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna
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A man forgot to zip up.So a lady tells him:U LEFT yr GARAGE open.Man asks:DID U C MY BLACK MERC parked INSIDE?No,she said JUST A MINI COOPER with a FLAT TIRE
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wife - suniye kya aap kitchen se garam masala la kar aayenge
husband - magar yahan to nahin hai
wife-- mujha pata tha tumha nahin mila ge is liya main pehla se le aayi baghwan !!!!!!!!!
costomer- whose eggs is this
shopkeeper - its mine
costomer - ok so give me one dozen of chicken s eggs
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Boy 2 girl - kya tum mere sath dance karogi.
Girl reply - me bacche ke sath dance nahi karti.
Boy - Sorry mujhe pata nahi tha ki tum pregnent ho
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bhagwaan sabse zyada khush kab hota hay
us waqt jab kisi ladki ki izzat lutt
rahi ho or woh chilla rahi hoo
bhagwan ke liye mujhe chordo
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Bob calls in to his job: "Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work." The boss says:"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that." 2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."
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FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level.
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STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
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A FAMILY SAW ''SHOLAY'' MOVIE
CAME BACK HOME AND HUSBAND ROMANTICALLY SAID TO WIFE
'' NACH BASANTI NACH''
CHILD ADDED
''NAHIN BASANTI IS KUTE K SAMNE MAT NACHNA''
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a best seller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl
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Happiest man is on whose,
daughter's photograph is on femina cover,
son on india today,
girlfriend on playboy,
WIFE on missing coloumn of newspaper
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Thought for the Days!!!
if you call your mother as MUM...
What will you call Mother's younger
sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINMUM & MAXIMUM
Explain The word "AUTOMATICALLY"
....Nahe pata
i'll xplain... ager koi ganji ladki auto mein bethi ho
to use kehte hain auto_mein_takli
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Wife: Zara dheere karo na kyun TezGaam chala rahe ho ? Maalgaadi chalao na.....................
Itne mein beta bed se neeche gira aur bola.........
Behanchod jo marji chalao par sawari ko to mat girao
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Teacher: "LOVE" kia Hai
Ali: Sir "L" ko pakar k "O" ko duba k "V" main Ghusa k jab "E" ki Awaz aye to usay "LOVE" kehtay hain.
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Just imagine life without GIRLS
the result === markets silent, streets empty, the police at rest, All mobile companies in loss, No SMS, No flowers, No candles, No perfumes, No travelling
ALL THE MEN DIRECT TO HEAVEN
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did u know what is mean by MAN
M=marvelous
A=and
N=nice
and the word WOMAN mean is
W=wanted
O=other
MAN=man
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one day dog dancing madly on the merage of lion lion ask y r u dancing madly dog said i am also lion before merrage....
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Husband:"Darling years ago u had a figure like a Coke bottle."
Wife:"Yes darling I still do but the only difference is earlier it was300ml and now it's 1.5 liter
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BAAP BETI SE ,
PEHLE TUM MUJH KO PAPA KAHTE THE AB DADY KUYN KAHTI HO ,
KIYA WAJAH Hai ?
BETI : PAPA KAHNE SE LIPSTICK JO KHARAB HOO JATE HAI
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Girlfriend:Are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend:Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so farr !!
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Teacher:Bachon wada kro kabhi sharab,cigrette nahi piyo ge
Bachey:Nahi piyenge
Teacher:Girls ka peecha nai karoge
Bachey:Nahi karenge
Teacher:Unn par awaaze nai kaso ge
Bachey: nahi kasenge
Teacher:Watan par zindigi qurbaan karo ge
Bachey:Kardenge,aesi zindigi ka karna bhi kya hai..
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3 Fastest means of communication
1 : Tele-Phone
2 : Tele-Vision
3 : Tell-a-women
Need still faster? Tell her not 2 tell any1...
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Wife:Suno j i mujhe new brazier lenaa hai
Husband:Brazier ki kya zarorat hai itne chotay chotay tu haim.(Copyright www.lovelysms.com)
Wife:kal tumne underwear liya mai kuch boli.......
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Newtons Law of Romance
LOVE CAN NEITHER BE CREATED NOR BE DESTROYED, IT CAN ONLY BE CHANGED FROM ONE GIRL FRIEND TO ANOTHER...
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kal main ne hawksbay per dekkha, 4 addmi ne eik saat sumander main chalang lagaye magar sirf eik ke baal gheley howe. ye kase mumkin hai
baqi 3 ganje they
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Tumhary saath kia masla hai?
har wakt pregnent rehti ho
jab bhi tumhain sms kia, tumhari delivery report aa jati hai.
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Q........Y do girls dont put mobile phones n their BRA?
A.........Bcoz Vibration convert milk into Lassi..
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always keep a picture of ur wife in ur wallet look at it when u r in trouble u will feel that other problems r not as big as this one
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lady drinking coke, machar falls in .
lady take it out ,
machar says ;maaa
lady ask why u did u call me maaaa
machar says mien teri kook(COKE) se nikla hon maaaaaaaaaa
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girl:if u will try to kiss me ,
mien shor macha don gi,
boy:laikan yahan tu door door tak koi nahien hay.
girl:i know but formilty tu karni hi pare gi
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A Nurse come in Doc's Room.
Docs Asks: Why is ur one Boob out of ur Shirt?
Nurse ans: Oh! These medical students never keep the things at place after use.
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a baby boy & baby girl making bath in bath tab.
baby Girl saw down of boy and asked.
can i touch your peen,
OH NO NEVER.
you have already broken your own
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Pledge of BOYS - India is our nation,girls r our destination, dating is our occupation, flirting is our proffesion,to hell with education...
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Ek bus mein ladko aur ladkiyo ki team bani antakshari khelne ke liye.
Girls: Hum tumko harakar dikhayenge..
Boys: Hum haar gaye, chalo ab dikhao...
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Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar kar ke, Ghar ja raha tha ke achanak bijli, Chamki, Badal garje, Zor se barish shuru hoi, Aadmi bola lagta hai pahunch gai.
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8 years boy caught in RAPE case. Lady lawyer holds his penis & says UR HONOUR see him, can he RAPE? Boy silently: HILA MAT WARNA CASE HAAR JAYEGI
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Class main ek larki biskit kha rahi thi thora kha k breziar ma chupa liya,
Sir ne pucha ye kya kr rahi ho sat wala bola dood ma dabo dabo k kha rahe hai.
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Teacher, billi k itnay saray bachay kun hotay hain?
student, miss agar aap bhi kapray uttar kar bahir ghoomain to aap k us se bhi ziada hon gay
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Man: please give me black colour condom
shopkeeper:why black colour condom????
man:my friend's dead so i want to share the sadness with his wife tomorrow night
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Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai....
ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.
Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti.
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aik larki darzi ki dukan pa jati hai aur pochti hai, G yah galay miltay hain?Darzi:waisay galay miltay tou nahi hain laykin ap kahti hain tou mil laytay hain.
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Girl to Mom: "Is it true that Babies come out from the same place where Boys put their P---S?"
Mom: "Yes"
Girl: "Wow! My Baby will come out from my mouth"
Doctor: Kya taklif hai? Petient: Sote waqt SAAS ko lene me taqlif hoti hai. Doc:
Aaj se dus din sote vaqt SAAS ko nahi SAALI ko lo !
»
Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.
»
PRINCIPAL :Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
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MAMU :Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha
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MAMU :Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
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One day Santas Girlfriend asks him, Darling, om our Engagement will you give me a RING?Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.
»
A couple wanted khatna(Circumcision)of their son,but they dont know proper word to print,so they printed the wording :THE CUTTING CEREMONY OF FUCKING INSTRUMENTS
»
Husband sitting near to his wife n she was driving, Husband: please slow down the speed of car. Wife: No ;please. No; please No please No pls.. Husband: the Newspaper ill publish ur correct Age 55 in case of exident; Ohh KHkhkhkhkhkh...
»
MAMU :Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha
»
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long
»
In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it's loss or profit? student: Profit in rupees & loss in paise
»
A MAN: U cheated me. Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u. MAN: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all Radio PAKISTAN!
»
Boy: I'm not rich like Rahul, I don't even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U! Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.
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An old rich man marries a young girl. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha? Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.
»
Ik raat bahuu ne kisi gair merd ke saath guzari, mager saas ne kush na kaha, bhala kiun, kiun ke saas bhi kabi Bahu thiiiiiiiii
»
AT 18 a lady is like a football, 22 men behind her,
at 28 a basketball, 10 men behind her,
at 38 a golf ball, 1 man behind her,
at 48 a TT ball, 1 man pushing her to the other
»
Once a chunti saw a dali of Gur , she went to eat it, but on the way she saw a muscular chunta,she left the gur and went to chunta,because, GUR NALO ISHQUE MITHA, oyehoy
»
Banta Sing! u get marry with Santa after my death, Wife!, but why? He is ur no 1 enemy,Banta!, this is only way to take revenge with santa sing
»
Tcher: How Old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible? Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.
»
My wife ran away with my best friend.
To tell you the truth, I really miss him.
What do you call a wife who is sexy,
beautiful,intelligent,understanding,
caring, never jealous and a great cook?
ANSWER : A rumour!
»
Mother to Teenage Daughter : "I think its time that we should talk about SEX."
Daughter : "Yes Mom, What do You want to know ?
»
what's common between the SUN & WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR?
1) both are hott
2) both look better while going down
3) both disappear by night............
»
Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor : Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer
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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love & didn't notice"
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Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye
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Husband to a newly wed Wife.I could go to the end of the worldfor u,, wife thanks, but promise me u will stay there
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A boy and gal of 5th class asked teacher "kya chote bachoon ke bhi bache hoote
hain"? teacher nahin kabhi nahin " boy said to girl-dekha aur tu aise hi dar rahi thi".
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Musharraf said to his mother. Ammi mari B.V , M.M.A walon sey meli hoi hai! Jab bhe kamray main jata hoon kehti hai wardi utaro
» Girls Hostel ki light chali gayi.
Ek ladki ne electric office me phone karke kaha:
Light chali gayi hai, aadmi bhejo.
Replied "Aadmi nahi hai, mombatti se kaam chala lo
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A Wife is sleeping in the middle of the night, she suddenly shouts: "Get up quickly my hasband is here!!!"
the man gets up from the bed, jumps out the window, hurts himslef and then realizes "Damn, I am the hasband!!!"
Who's guilty in the situation?????????????
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Best SMS of the year- a Mother makes her son "INTELLIGENT" in 20 Years, but a girl makes him STUPID in 2 minutes
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A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,whichthe father receives as:"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
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in chemistry class teacher asked a girl:what r Nitrates?Girl answered shyly:nights rates r high then day ..!
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Judge-y did u attack tat young man?
Old lady- he grabbed me, took my clothes off, threw me on d bed & shouted APRIL FOOL!
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Can U name FIVE Great KINGS who have brought HAPPINESS into PEOPLES LIVES??
ANSWER: "drin-KING, smo-KING, lic-KING, suc-KING & ofcourse fucKING
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Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho?
Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain
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1986 ke girl; Mama jeans pehen lon
Mom;Na baiti log kiya kahen gay.
2006 ke girl;Mama mini skirt pehen lon
Mom; pehen baiti kuch to pehen.............
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How Do U Tell To UR Girlfriend If U Want 2 go 2 Toilet During Dinner? Darling,I've 2 Shake Hands with a Close friend of MIne Whom I'm Going 2 introduce 2 u Later
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Santa: What is the weather like ? Banta: I do not know it is so foggy that i cannot see.
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Boy: Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from? Father: Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother Because i still have mine.
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Q: Know what the difference between in laws and outlaws is ? Ans: Outlaws are wanted!
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Ques: What did the valentine card say to the stamp ? Ans: Stick with me and we will go to lots of places!
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Company offered Rs.500 for each money saving idea submitted by its employees. First prize went to the employee who suggested the award be cut to Rs.250.
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Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%. Santa: That is great, I will take two of them.
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Ques: What did the gangsters son tell his dad when he failed his examination ? Ans: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but i never told them anything.
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Doc: Your fee is more then we get paid for medical care. Mechanic : You always have the same model but we have to keep up to date with new models every year.
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Ques: Did you hear about the blonde who was tap dancing? Ans: She broke her ankle when he fell into the sink.
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Mom: Where are you off to now? Son: I am gonna join the army. Mom: But legally you are only an infant. Son: That is all right, I am going to Join the Infantry.
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75yrz old man got married with a girl of 15 yrz old. At marriage nite they both r crying cuz Girl don't know anything and an old man hav 4gotten evrythng.
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Boss: I will give you 3000 Per month and in three months, I will raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start? Santa: In three months.
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A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. Anything new at work? He replied, No, I am teaching History.
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Sales Girl: sorry sir you cann't smoke here.
Customer: but i bought cigarate from this shop.
Sales Girl: we sell condom also but it dosn't mean you start fucking here.
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Teacher: 3 girls are walking in the road. Turn the sentence in to exclamitory.
student: WOW!
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Teacher:"Now,children,if I saw a man beating a donkey n stopped him,wht virtue wuld I be showing?"
Student:"Brotherly love
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PHILOSOPHY : small things hurt a lot
Example : u can sit on a mountain but not on a pin...
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A girl says to her boyfriend, One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy says thanks for the warning!
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World's Smallest resignation letter?
Respected sir,
I luv ur wife
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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn`t come back yet!
Santa: Why don`t u cook something else.
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Man said passionately: Will you marry me? My father is a millionaire and 93 years old.
He is going to die soon and then I shall be very very rich. What do you say? She said nothing but a week later, she became his mother!
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hree Ways of fast Communication
1: Television
2: Telephone
3: Tell-a-women
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BOY : May I hold your hand ??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy
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Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: The future tense is "You will go to jail".
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Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
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Girls before marriage look like barbi Doll
After mariage beautiful Doll
After 1 year nice Doll
After 2 Years only Doll Copyright www.lovelysms.com
& After 3 Years panaDoll
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Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
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Rizwan: Doctor say help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Rizwan: Phone karte waqt
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Husband aur wife hotel me gaye tabhi 1 lady ne
Hello kiya,
Wife- koun thi wo?
Hus-Tum dimag kharab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshan hu ki woh bhi Yehi puchegi.
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Subjiwala: madam ye 500 ka
note blouse se nikala hai kya?
Madam: hann par kaise laga?
Subjiwala: gandhiji ka muh
abhi bhi khula hua hai!
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Dear user,your wife can become mother without your struggle!Just SMS ‘CHILD’ or call customer care at 9890****** & be a tension-free DAD!
errorists have kidnapped our lecturers… and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene… plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.
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terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers… and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene… plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.
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womens r like internet virus 1st they enter ur life scan urs pockets transfer money edit ur mind download thier problems delete ur smile and hang ur life from ss
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2day is a mobile day so plz open ur mobile cover & remove battery & dip in soap water apply candhana & kumkum 2 sim card & say “govinda govinda”
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behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,but behind a SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man...
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A job in Railways. Salary 15000/-,
job profile:-When the headlight of the Engine
is not working, you have to run infront of
the train with a torch, So hurry up...
wish u all the best
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BREAKING NEWS..~Bazar-e-Hussun MeinAag lag gayee, Raat gaye Fire Brigade Ka
ammlay ne Aag per qabooo pa liya,Magar ammlay per qabooo abhi tak nahi paya ja
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Naukarani: malkan ap udaas kyun hai
Malkan: tumhare sahab office ki kisi larki se payyar karte hai
Naukarani: nahiiiiin, sahab mujhe dokha nahi de sakte
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Why women love gold more than men? Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only one carrot.
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What is the difference between secretary & private secretary? Ans: secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR & private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR.
Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai
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A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. After a while they broke up and he wanted it back. The girl threw a pad at him and said. i'll pay u back in monthly instalments.
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class me teacher lacture de raha tha, bachon ne dekha us ki zip khuli hui hai, bachay hansne lagay,
Teacher: kyun hans rahe ho, ab agar hansay ko bahir nikaal ke khara ker dunga
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A 90 yr old man started making love with his 85 yr wife, he started sucking her breats and after few seconds the man expired, GUESS WHY?
Autoposy Report : death due to expired milk.
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Girl: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi
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Last nite i had a dream abt U... I saw tht v both were gettig married on the same day... Ur wife was beautiful but mine is not... I asked GOD: Why it is so??? GOD replied: "BALANCE OF NATURE"...!!!
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A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.
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Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna
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A man forgot to zip up.So a lady tells him:U LEFT yr GARAGE open.Man asks:DID U C MY BLACK MERC parked INSIDE?No,she said JUST A MINI COOPER with a FLAT TIRE
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wife - suniye kya aap kitchen se garam masala la kar aayenge
husband - magar yahan to nahin hai
wife-- mujha pata tha tumha nahin mila ge is liya main pehla se le aayi baghwan !!!!!!!!!
costomer- whose eggs is this
shopkeeper - its mine
costomer - ok so give me one dozen of chicken s eggs
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Boy 2 girl - kya tum mere sath dance karogi.
Girl reply - me bacche ke sath dance nahi karti.
Boy - Sorry mujhe pata nahi tha ki tum pregnent ho
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bhagwaan sabse zyada khush kab hota hay
us waqt jab kisi ladki ki izzat lutt
rahi ho or woh chilla rahi hoo
bhagwan ke liye mujhe chordo
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Bob calls in to his job: "Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work." The boss says:"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that." 2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."
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FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level.
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STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
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A FAMILY SAW ''SHOLAY'' MOVIE
CAME BACK HOME AND HUSBAND ROMANTICALLY SAID TO WIFE
'' NACH BASANTI NACH''
CHILD ADDED
''NAHIN BASANTI IS KUTE K SAMNE MAT NACHNA''
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a best seller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl
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Happiest man is on whose,
daughter's photograph is on femina cover,
son on india today,
girlfriend on playboy,
WIFE on missing coloumn of newspaper
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Thought for the Days!!!
if you call your mother as MUM...
What will you call Mother's younger
sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINMUM & MAXIMUM
Explain The word "AUTOMATICALLY"
....Nahe pata
i'll xplain... ager koi ganji ladki auto mein bethi ho
to use kehte hain auto_mein_takli
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Wife: Zara dheere karo na kyun TezGaam chala rahe ho ? Maalgaadi chalao na.....................
Itne mein beta bed se neeche gira aur bola.........
Behanchod jo marji chalao par sawari ko to mat girao
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Teacher: "LOVE" kia Hai
Ali: Sir "L" ko pakar k "O" ko duba k "V" main Ghusa k jab "E" ki Awaz aye to usay "LOVE" kehtay hain.
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Just imagine life without GIRLS
the result === markets silent, streets empty, the police at rest, All mobile companies in loss, No SMS, No flowers, No candles, No perfumes, No travelling
ALL THE MEN DIRECT TO HEAVEN
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did u know what is mean by MAN
M=marvelous
A=and
N=nice
and the word WOMAN mean is
W=wanted
O=other
MAN=man
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one day dog dancing madly on the merage of lion lion ask y r u dancing madly dog said i am also lion before merrage....
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Husband:"Darling years ago u had a figure like a Coke bottle."
Wife:"Yes darling I still do but the only difference is earlier it was300ml and now it's 1.5 liter
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BAAP BETI SE ,
PEHLE TUM MUJH KO PAPA KAHTE THE AB DADY KUYN KAHTI HO ,
KIYA WAJAH Hai ?
BETI : PAPA KAHNE SE LIPSTICK JO KHARAB HOO JATE HAI
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Girlfriend:Are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend:Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so farr !!
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Teacher:Bachon wada kro kabhi sharab,cigrette nahi piyo ge
Bachey:Nahi piyenge
Teacher:Girls ka peecha nai karoge
Bachey:Nahi karenge
Teacher:Unn par awaaze nai kaso ge
Bachey: nahi kasenge
Teacher:Watan par zindigi qurbaan karo ge
Bachey:Kardenge,aesi zindigi ka karna bhi kya hai..
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3 Fastest means of communication
1 : Tele-Phone
2 : Tele-Vision
3 : Tell-a-women
Need still faster? Tell her not 2 tell any1...
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Wife:Suno j i mujhe new brazier lenaa hai
Husband:Brazier ki kya zarorat hai itne chotay chotay tu haim.(Copyright www.lovelysms.com)
Wife:kal tumne underwear liya mai kuch boli.......
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Newtons Law of Romance
LOVE CAN NEITHER BE CREATED NOR BE DESTROYED, IT CAN ONLY BE CHANGED FROM ONE GIRL FRIEND TO ANOTHER...
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kal main ne hawksbay per dekkha, 4 addmi ne eik saat sumander main chalang lagaye magar sirf eik ke baal gheley howe. ye kase mumkin hai
baqi 3 ganje they
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Tumhary saath kia masla hai?
har wakt pregnent rehti ho
jab bhi tumhain sms kia, tumhari delivery report aa jati hai.
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Q........Y do girls dont put mobile phones n their BRA?
A.........Bcoz Vibration convert milk into Lassi..
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always keep a picture of ur wife in ur wallet look at it when u r in trouble u will feel that other problems r not as big as this one
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lady drinking coke, machar falls in .
lady take it out ,
machar says ;maaa
lady ask why u did u call me maaaa
machar says mien teri kook(COKE) se nikla hon maaaaaaaaaa
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girl:if u will try to kiss me ,
mien shor macha don gi,
boy:laikan yahan tu door door tak koi nahien hay.
girl:i know but formilty tu karni hi pare gi
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A Nurse come in Doc's Room.
Docs Asks: Why is ur one Boob out of ur Shirt?
Nurse ans: Oh! These medical students never keep the things at place after use.
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a baby boy & baby girl making bath in bath tab.
baby Girl saw down of boy and asked.
can i touch your peen,
OH NO NEVER.
you have already broken your own
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Pledge of BOYS - India is our nation,girls r our destination, dating is our occupation, flirting is our proffesion,to hell with education...
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Ek bus mein ladko aur ladkiyo ki team bani antakshari khelne ke liye.
Girls: Hum tumko harakar dikhayenge..
Boys: Hum haar gaye, chalo ab dikhao...
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Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar kar ke, Ghar ja raha tha ke achanak bijli, Chamki, Badal garje, Zor se barish shuru hoi, Aadmi bola lagta hai pahunch gai.
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8 years boy caught in RAPE case. Lady lawyer holds his penis & says UR HONOUR see him, can he RAPE? Boy silently: HILA MAT WARNA CASE HAAR JAYEGI
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Class main ek larki biskit kha rahi thi thora kha k breziar ma chupa liya,
Sir ne pucha ye kya kr rahi ho sat wala bola dood ma dabo dabo k kha rahe hai.
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Teacher, billi k itnay saray bachay kun hotay hain?
student, miss agar aap bhi kapray uttar kar bahir ghoomain to aap k us se bhi ziada hon gay
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Man: please give me black colour condom
shopkeeper:why black colour condom????
man:my friend's dead so i want to share the sadness with his wife tomorrow night
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Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai....
ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.
Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti.
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aik larki darzi ki dukan pa jati hai aur pochti hai, G yah galay miltay hain?Darzi:waisay galay miltay tou nahi hain laykin ap kahti hain tou mil laytay hain.
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Girl to Mom: "Is it true that Babies come out from the same place where Boys put their P---S?"
Mom: "Yes"
Girl: "Wow! My Baby will come out from my mouth"
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