jokes sms
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position .
2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’
( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.
11: I’ve run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as ‘ Loretta’ instead of ‘Steve ‘
P’njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT
Gud marning, Ladies and Gen’lemen. P’rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal.
On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh ‘Bobby’, this is your Flight Supervisor Banta Singh ” Bunty” welcoming to you on the P’njaab Airways flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana.
We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b’cause the sun was not shining brightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night.
Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing d’rectly in your v’llage.
P’njaab Airways has exc’llant record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us.
I am pleased to ‘nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p’ssaingers have reached to their dest’nation.
For the rest 10%, the P’njaab Airways staff has lots of experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If engines are too noisy, on p’ssainger request, we can turn them off for comfart, but your flight will become late and you may become the late also.
For our religious p’ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you to contact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books will be quickly distributed.
We regret that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not record it from the tallyvision due to power cut.
But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie can be seen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been opened
For your viewing convenience. For p’ssaingers on left side, we have put binoculars under the seat.
If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent’tainment. Our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flight stewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!!
Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dal makhani, unlimited P’ronthas and Lassi.
There is a half charge for Red Label Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on Patiala flights.
As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P’njaab Airways flights over P’njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines.
Please do read the ’structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your front side. It is not a hand fan.
The P’ssainger behind you must read the card in your backside.
Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any of our 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land.
Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing. Also do not use force. Broken seats will not be replaced and you will be tied to the floor during take off and landing.
Please be seated first and then fasten your seatbelts. Do not call for steward or airhostess for a glass of water when plane is taking off.
We are about to take-off. We wish you a pleasant flight. For air sikness problems we have echo friendly jute bags in the sit pokets
Thank you once again for flying with P’njaab Airways
Main itthe raji khushi han and hope ke tusi v theek thaak hovonge, Eve v twannu bahut yaad kardi is.
Bharat NE Bangladesh de chakkee uda ditte. Hun he pukka hega hai ki Kenya di koi aukaat hi nahi.
Eve NE apple tyaag ditte NE….ude utte shopping DA bhoot chadya hai kyunki globus wich ek Short te Sweet sale chal RI hegi jissde wich he loki vadde vadde discounts de rahen han. Assi apna Sara wardrobe shordrobe badal rahein NE. Ki tusi apne layi fashionable jeans Lena pasand karoge?? Ya apni pariyan layi kuch tunics te leggings?
Mere vallo bas ehna hi!Twade potre twaanu yaad kar rahein NE.Tussi kuch dinna layi ethe kyun nahin AA jaande??.Oye. .. 10th June tak AA javoge the..assi te phir poori paltan nal globus sale layi tur sakde ah.
Pyaar shyaar,
Twaada ekohi puttar “Adam”
PS. Global warming………… Suniya hai na?kuch karde paye ho…ki sochya
Here is a letter written by a HR executive to his love:
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR FATHER’S NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE : MATRIC PASS
OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE. …?
OFFICER : MP !!!
CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?
OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED……………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’
( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.
11: I’ve run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as ‘ Loretta’ instead of ‘Steve ‘
P’njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT
Gud marning, Ladies and Gen’lemen. P’rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal.
On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh ‘Bobby’, this is your Flight Supervisor Banta Singh ” Bunty” welcoming to you on the P’njaab Airways flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana.
We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b’cause the sun was not shining brightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night.
Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing d’rectly in your v’llage.
P’njaab Airways has exc’llant record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us.
I am pleased to ‘nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p’ssaingers have reached to their dest’nation.
For the rest 10%, the P’njaab Airways staff has lots of experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If engines are too noisy, on p’ssainger request, we can turn them off for comfart, but your flight will become late and you may become the late also.
For our religious p’ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you to contact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books will be quickly distributed.
We regret that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not record it from the tallyvision due to power cut.
But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie can be seen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been opened
For your viewing convenience. For p’ssaingers on left side, we have put binoculars under the seat.
If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent’tainment. Our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flight stewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!!
Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dal makhani, unlimited P’ronthas and Lassi.
There is a half charge for Red Label Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on Patiala flights.
As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P’njaab Airways flights over P’njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines.
Please do read the ’structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your front side. It is not a hand fan.
The P’ssainger behind you must read the card in your backside.
Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any of our 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land.
Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing. Also do not use force. Broken seats will not be replaced and you will be tied to the floor during take off and landing.
Please be seated first and then fasten your seatbelts. Do not call for steward or airhostess for a glass of water when plane is taking off.
We are about to take-off. We wish you a pleasant flight. For air sikness problems we have echo friendly jute bags in the sit pokets
Thank you once again for flying with P’njaab Airways
Main itthe raji khushi han and hope ke tusi v theek thaak hovonge, Eve v twannu bahut yaad kardi is.
Bharat NE Bangladesh de chakkee uda ditte. Hun he pukka hega hai ki Kenya di koi aukaat hi nahi.
Eve NE apple tyaag ditte NE….ude utte shopping DA bhoot chadya hai kyunki globus wich ek Short te Sweet sale chal RI hegi jissde wich he loki vadde vadde discounts de rahen han. Assi apna Sara wardrobe shordrobe badal rahein NE. Ki tusi apne layi fashionable jeans Lena pasand karoge?? Ya apni pariyan layi kuch tunics te leggings?
Mere vallo bas ehna hi!Twade potre twaanu yaad kar rahein NE.Tussi kuch dinna layi ethe kyun nahin AA jaande??.Oye. .. 10th June tak AA javoge the..assi te phir poori paltan nal globus sale layi tur sakde ah.
Pyaar shyaar,
Twaada ekohi puttar “Adam”
PS. Global warming………… Suniya hai na?kuch karde paye ho…ki sochya
Here is a letter written by a HR executive to his love:
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR FATHER’S NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE : MATRIC PASS
OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE. …?
OFFICER : MP !!!
CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?
OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED……………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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